another couple pounds lost.. a million more to go..

Of my fast..

I've lost 6 lbs since friday
12 since last monday..

too bad I have so much to go..

Can't say I'm disappointed with the weight loss though

I feel dizzy, weak.. my throat goes numb.. but I will NOT give up.. actually I can't.. I can't physically eat.. I vomit.. but it's all good..

heh

Sooo.. 

Gary wanted me to eat last night.. I was feeling horrible anyway from purging.. So i ate and kept down a little bit of venison steak.. and for a whole one it's only 35 cal.. so.. Not too bad.. I also ate a cracker.. About 20 cals..

Ill weigh in tomorrow!

the best boyfriend in the world..

He bought me a CHI. I've wanted one for YEARS.. Why do I deserve this?

Not to mention..

He's always there for me..

Couldn't ask for more..

HORRIBLE night.. WTF is wrong with me?  I get really drunk.. eat a salad.. purge till i bleed.. and have a mental break down on my bf.. I was shaking and hyperventilating and even a hour after i stopped i couldn't stop shaking. I felt like just killing myself and he kept telling me to calm down and that he loves me and I'm beautiful.  How can someone love ME?  I don't want to hurt him like I hurt everyone else that cares about me.  I don't want to hurt him like I've hurt my friends and my parents before.  It's not fair to him.  I love him so much.. How can someone put up with my shit so fucking much..

I feel so shaky this morning and I tried to drink a little juice and I just feel like throwing it up..so nausiated..

Life Sucks..

day three of my fast.. Im SO tired.. I lost two lbs since yesterday.  Still huge as ever though.  I will get back down to what I was and I'll be even smaller.  God I can't think straight lol..

Insomnia =/

those hunger pains again.. 

I must fight it.. I can't eat. Im DISGUSTING.